Dating Parents

A Guide to Dating Divorced or Single Men and Women With Children

Nov 24, 2009
Miranda Miller

The Challenges and Rewards of Dating Parents - Eyesogreen from Flickr.com

Dating parents presents a unique set of challenges and rewards. Learn the rules in this guide to dating single men and women with children.

Avalanche LLC, operator of several popular dating websites including Match.com and Date.com, announced the results of a nationwide dating poll regarding single parent dating in a July 16, 2009 press release. In the wake of the break-up and subsequent dating scandals of TLC reality show stars Jon and Kate Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8, Avalanche LLC set out to determine whether singles were comfortable dating men and women with children.

In response to the question, "Would you date someone who has children?" 83.3% of men and 81% of women answered affirmatively, that they would indeed date a single parent.

How Does Dating Parents Differ From Dating Other Singles?

Each parent, family dynamic, and new relationship is unique. However, there are a few common challenges that many single parents face when they reenter the dating world:

Balancing time commitments
Respecting their child's feelings without putting their own needs in last place
The desire to protect their children, physically and emotionally

It takes patience and understanding to date a single parent. New partners must know that they are not the parent's first priority, and it is not a competition for time or attention. Ex-spouses and extended family can further muddy the waters. Accept the single parent's situation and know that it is beyond a new partner's power to change it.

Important Boundaries for Dating Parents

Dating parents and their new partners must create boundaries together to ensure that each person in the relationship – the parent, their partner, and the children – feels respected and heard.

The new partner must not become the disciplinarian. Even in a step-parent situation, this breeds contempt and anger in the children.
The new partner must respect family time and individual child/parent time. It is overwhelming and confusing for a child to have a new person suddenly thrust into their family life and routine.
The parent must decide how and when the new partner will be introduced, if at all, to the children.
Dating parents should try to model healthy relationship behavior, for example not arguing in front of the children and saving sleepovers for when the kids are away.
The children must come first; however, this does not mean they decide who Mommy or Daddy is dating. A dating parent must balance respect for their children with support for their partner.

Let children know they are welcome to discuss any concerns with the parent. Address any child or partner issues openly and immediately.

Parents Dating Parents

Other single men and women with children can seem like attractive potential partners for dating parents. They share many of the same challenges and experiences.

However, parents dating parents may find that their children have more people to compete with for attention. Parenting styles and rules may clash. The best way to avoid problematic situations is to discuss parenting issues openly and honestly before the children are even introduced to the new relationship.

Parents who have been out of the dating scene for some time might like to try double dating with friends to take the awkwardness out of the first few dates.

A Guide to Successfully Dating Divorced or Single Parents

In any new dating relationship, people want to put their best foot forward. Dating parents is just like dating other single people. Singles will worry about making a good impression, trying to make good conversation, and having fun in the singles scene. However, when a relationship becomes serious and children are introduced to the mix, the dynamic inevitably changes.

Be prepared, have patience, and communicate openly to take the dating relationship with a parent to the next step.

Miranda Miller, SEO & SMM, Miranda Miller

Miranda Miller - Online Marketing Manager, SEO Consultant

A Guide to Dating Parents - Single Parent Specials

Dating Divorced Women with Children - Ed Yourdon

Guide to Dating Divorced - Eyesogreen from Flickr.com

Dating Divorced Single Men and Women with Children - Single Parent Specials

Comments

Feb 19, 2010 12:27 AM

Guest :

Too vague in the recommendations, particularly in rebuilding a social network after becoming a single parent - or dating.
Divorcing after 10 years of marriage, it was very difficult to find new acquaintences, dates or partners. Married men friends actually seemed to shun me.
The 'Church' route was broken.
The 'Bar' route was broken.
I finally got 'discovered' by four women from Jan. 96 until Summer of 2007. They or me/and me were broken.
One relationship lasted from 96 until 2002 - six years. She had a 19 year old daughter that was uncontrollable and I let the daughter move in with us in my home.
In the end, I finally asked myself who created this girl and socialized her with the value system she embraced although it was self destructive as well as destructive for our relationship?
The answer slept on the other side of the bed every night, until the very ugly end. I escaped, that was all that mattered, since the daughter was intransigent and her behavior was risky.
When dating in college my men friends and I would go out on Friday nights, but we all knew you couldn't 'split a pair', or two girls at the bars. With three girls, you had a chance for whatever.
I was never going to alter the daughter's behavior or even moderate it. And, she came as part of the package: Pair.
So, their was no 'valid solution set' or exigency to extricate myself and I waited for both to leave. It was terrible, the price extracted, for that 'do nothing cause nothing works' attitude I adopted.
I was in bad shape and went to worse on the following three situations. I wasn't 'picking' them, I got picked and was glad for the companionship, but all three of them were incompatible with my beliefs and value systems, so they really were just 'situations'.
A relationship is comparable to a 'Friend'.
A situation is comparable to an 'Acquaintence'.
With Friends, you have expectations and are reasonably assured that your expectations will not lead you down a path of 'Betrayal', 'Deceit' and eventual 'Abandonment'.
With Acquaintences you have no 'expectations' and are never surprised by their behavior (or lack of).
The other three situations ran until Summer 2007, or one every year and a half.
I finally realized that at my age, the only thing that is left is the 'left-overs'.
That's not too bad until the day you wake up and have a very disconcerting 'Epiphany': You, too, are, also a 'left-over who couldn't 'Pickem' right and subsequentially never got it right or even close to it.
You got left behind when the train pulled out of the station, even though you 'had' a valid ticket for the passage.
Now, your Jouney through Life is now an Odyssey. The difference between the two types of peregrinations being that Odysseys mean you have marked changes in fortunes or the quality of your life.

Mar 3, 2010 4:08 PM

Guest :

I always stayed away from divorced women with children---I will continue to do so-I will not take a "back seat" to somebody's child PERIOD!! And why should I be constantly reminded of her ex-husband, ex-inlaws etc etc. No wonder the divorce rate for women with children is higher than single women in general!!

2 Comments